Comments on: When people don’t like you

By: Beverly Bergman

Beverly Bergman — Thu, 19 May 2011 21:04:42 +0000

Great post Tina — thanks for being candid about something we probably all wrestle with at some point. Knowing that others go through the same thing reminds of the saying that you can’t please everyone all the time. So that helps.

I usually go through the 3 steps you mentioned, and then I remind myself that this may be exaggerated, that it may not even be true that they don’t like me – (as is often the case I’ve learned after much anguish). I might even do Byron Katie’s 4 questions about knowing if it’s even true. I recall believing for at least 5 years that a co-worker didn’t much care for me when in fact, when I was leaving the company, she went out of her way to buy me flowers, thank me and tell me how much she has always enjoyed working with me, how she valued my input and would miss me.

The next things I do, is realize that this may be a problem that other person has and it doesn’t necessarily mean I’ve done anything wrong at all.

By: esq32-IFA

esq32-IFA — Fri, 13 May 2011 22:30:13 +0000

I couldn’t care less if people don’t like me.

I continue on to another person, having nothing to do whatsoever
with anyone in categories of my own choosing.

Too many people in my sphere of influence to be concerned with
whether they like me or not. How puerile and elementary school
can they be?

I never have cared whether someone like me or not, nor what they
thought of me.

I am my own individual, not that someone else/
//
//

By: Jennifer Newcomb Marine

Jennifer Newcomb Marine — Fri, 13 May 2011 19:50:21 +0000

Nice, Tina. It’s true, even though we might know *intellectually* that we shouldn’t take criticism personally, it’s still a challenge!

I sometimes find myself toning down a post, wondering if people will find it inflammatory, and then feel disappointed later when I didn’t say exactly what stirs me the most.

When it comes to dealing with people expending lots of energy on showing me that what I’m advocating is truly *impossible,* I just remind myself that it’s not my responsibility to get them to agree with me. I mentally wish them well and do my best to let it go…

By: Donna Caissie

Donna Caissie — Fri, 13 May 2011 19:27:10 +0000

For me, this has been the hardest part about being in business; dealing with meanies. I’m not talking about honest disagreements because I can handle those. People who honestly disagree, communicate in a manner that attempts to build a bridge between the two opinions.

It’s the people who can’t communicate without attacking you and trying to destroy you in the process; those are the ones who cause me to feel sad, which kicks in my hesitancy to move forward. Like you, Tina, I take a look at what’s been said. If I find no merit in what’s been said, I put the encounter down to “this is just an Internet bully,” and I move on. Still, it hurts like hell.

By: Lilia Lee

Lilia Lee — Fri, 13 May 2011 19:12:18 +0000

How true this is, Tina!
As you move on, there is a need to clear out the old Rolodex (dating myself!). In doing that, you are also saying goodbye to bits of the old you that have been outgrown.
Saying goodbye to anything does lead to sadness. And, yes, there are people who want you to stay where you were because of their own comfort level. So, they tug at you to stay put. Then, those that love you selflessly will applaud who you are becoming and cheer you on.
In the end, to be true to yourself, you just have to move on, regardless.
For me, I have ritual that I learned from a shaman. It allows me to keep the best of those I am leaving behind with me and to love them for who they are without me judging them.